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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You should spend about **40 minutes** on this task. Write about the following topic. **There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?** Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write **at least 250 words.**

#minutes** #topic #**there #factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor #**at
Currently, most
people
 need to earn their lives by working.
Although
money
 is a crucial term when
people
 compare their offers, it
is disagreed
Change to the active voice
disagrees
has disagreed
show examples
 that
money
 is the most important factor to stimulate
people
 to stay in their workforce. Analyzing the common reasons why
people
 resign, like the lack of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sense
 of accomplishment and unbearable working load, can prove
this
.
First
,
people
 can
left
Change the verb form
leave
be left
show examples
 a
well paid
Add a hyphen
well-paid
show examples
 job
bacause
Correct your spelling
because
 they can not feel
sufficient
Add an article
a sufficient
show examples
sense
 of accomplishment. It is widely admitted that everyone wants to be respected by others as well as themselves. Taking up a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 time, working functions as the main source of self-respect.
As a result
, if employees’ decisions and work outputs do not
receice
Correct your spelling
receive
 corresponding appreciation from their colleagues or even leaders, they will be likely to resign. It is a case that
woney
Correct your spelling
money
 is not as important as the
sense
 of accomplishment.
Second
,
people
 can resign from a decent job because the job is
beyong
Correct your spelling
beyond
 their energy. Compare to machines which can work for 7*24 hours,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mankind,
people
 need to rest for enough time. There are many jobs calculating salaries by working time where employees can increase their income amount only by working for more hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, but few
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 so in reality
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because most
people
 want to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life and work. It is a case that
woney
Correct your spelling
money
 is not as vital as work-life balance. To conclude,
money
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not as important as other factors to some extent, like the
sense
 of completement and work-life balance.
Therefore
,
money
 is not the most important reason/factor to motivate
people
 to stay in their workforce.
Submitted by cn.zhixiang on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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