IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that zoos are not good enough for animals and they should be improved or animals must go to natural life. What is your opinion ?

#people #zoos #animals #life
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Most people believed that for
animals
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 the best environment is natural life
instead
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 of
zoos
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.
Moreover
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, there is no good opportunity for them in cages. In my opinion, keeping
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is a mistake because currently some
zoos
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 are not very big and it causes discomfort to creatures.
For example
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 lions, bears, monkeys, birds and other
animals
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. They need a natural environment to feel good.
However
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, some
zoos
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 haven't got
such
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 facilities.Even some zoo workers or individuals who came to see them cause harm to these
animals
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.
For example
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, some circuses use these creatures to make people laugh and in order to train the
animals
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 for a certain exercise they use many harmful items,causing a lot of suffering to
animals
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 or depriving them of their mates in order to show them to people leads to the extinction of many animal species So I think
animals
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 should be released into the wild. Because they are wild, wildlife is better for them than
zoos
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.
Thus
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, those in
zoos
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 are much weaker than the ones in the wild.If they are released into wildlife they cannot get used to it and may even die.
Therefore
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, keeping
animals
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 in cages is a mistake,they should live a life suitable for them.It goes without saying that wildlife is the best for wild creatures.
Submitted by jefnesbit on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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