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Band 4

Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school while some disagree. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #classes #school #disagree
Some people believe that children should attend extra classes after school and others disagree, in my essay, I'll be discussing both points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
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 and give my opinion on it, but what subjects should the pupils be studying in
this
 added
time
?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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 is it for educational purposes or is it for physical activities?. It's not clear to me why a group of parents wants their little ones
spend
Add the particle
to spend
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time
 attending additional sessions, are they just busy working guardians
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 their kids trapped in the school or the
clasess
Correct your spelling
classes
class
 for two or three hours more, so they can feel they are safe till they return home?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 maybe. or
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 they feel the students
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 more effort to score higher grades?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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 well,
this
 is
also
 possible.
On the other hand
, those
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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refuses
Correct subject-verb agreement
refuse
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locking
Change the verb form
to lock
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 the boys and girls in study rooms for excess
time
understands
Correct subject-verb agreement
understand
show examples
 that the children
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 more than
class rooms
Correct your spelling
classrooms
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, they
also
needs
Change the verb form
need
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playing
Change the verb form
to play
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 sports,
free
Add a missing verb
have free
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time
 to discover the surrounding world,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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time
 to rest, for those
whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 are in secondary stages and above, needs some hours to work and support themselves.
Finally
, from my
perespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, extra classes times shall be decided on
case
Add an article
a case
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 by case basis, some will need it to improve their scores in a subject or more, others would like to attend lessons in topics they are fond of or not already present in their educational programs. The busy working adults may resort to hiring a
baby sitter
Correct your spelling
babysitter
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, or
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 their offspring with a social club membership, but imposing one solid system
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 all people is not the best choice in my opinion.
Submitted by ahmedmalorabi on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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