IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

"Countries become more developed due to mix of different people and their culture. Do you agree or disagree?"

#countries #mix #people #culture
Diversity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
, caste, religion and colour comes up with positive developments in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
Combination
Correct article usage
The combination
show examples
 of various
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
rises
Fix the agreement mistake
rise
show examples
 to knowledge and love among each
another
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 about their cultures. I am totally agreed with the above statement.
First
 of all,
Development
Correct article usage
the Development
show examples
 of anything will be possible if we all together
work
 for it without any hate and discrimination. As we know, not everyone is perfect,so, different and new ideas will come if we take all the suggestions from the different
people
 of
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
.
Thus
, by doing
this
 the development
incredibley
Correct your spelling
incredibly
incredible
 rises day by day.
For example
, in
latest
Add an article
the latest
show examples
 survey
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
WHO
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 the
african
Change the capitalization
African
show examples
people
share
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
 some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
remedies
Add an article
the remedies
show examples
 to cure from
bad
Add an article
the bad
show examples
 immune system and by following those tips 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of humans build
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
strong immune
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 and protected themself from corona disease. Not only that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
surrounded
Add a missing verb
being surrounded
show examples
 by numerous individuals of different
religion
Fix the agreement mistake
religions
show examples
 give us knowledge and affection
among
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other.
people
 learn various languages under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one roof like in schools,colleges, universities and at
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 too. Many of the things masses learn by sharing their ideas and
toughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 on the desk by which they
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good decisions and
successful
Add a missing verb
have successful
show examples
 conversations about their
work
 and welfare of the
society
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, the overall contribution of
mixture
Add an article
a mixture
the mixture
show examples
 of individuals
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 in each corner of the discussion and
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 obvious that those decisions will be successful. In conclusion, I agree that variation in the religion of the
people
 if combined together
then
 wherever and whatever circumstances
infrornt
Correct your spelling
in front
 of them they will definitely
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 up with positive development of the country.
Submitted by Jott on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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