IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people today would argue that cinemas are becoming irrelevant due to new streaming services. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cinemas #services
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Nowadays, with the advancement of technology, some groups of humans would opine that movies, which are released on online platforms are easily available
which
Correct word choice
and
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 can replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cinemas
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. The new streaming
services
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 become more popular just because of accessibility
at
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apply
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anywhere and anytime and
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 have fewer expenses compared to theatres.
To begin
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with
Add a comma
with,
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 the prime reason why
cinemas
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 are becoming irrelevant
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 of new streaming
services
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, on various online websites, newly released movies and series are uploaded and after the launching those on
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, anyone can watch those at
comfortable
Add an article
a comfortable
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 place and
also
Linking Words
 anytime.
In other words
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, on online platforms, if any movie is released, people can download it and they can see it in their spare time and at their convenient location.
On the other hand
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, if people prefer to watch it in
cinemas
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, they have to go there as per the show-timing and
also
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 there is the possibility of facing some issues related to sitting areas and sound system.
Secondly
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, the new streaming
services
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 provide some offers in their premiums.
Also
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, in these premiums, more than one movie can be watched because they can give monthly, quarterly and yearly subscriptions.
For example
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, Hotstar, Amazon Prime, etcetera.
In contrast
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, in
cinemas
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, if anyone buys one ticket, he/she would watch only that particular movie. The price of a ticket of theatre is almost equal to the 2 to
3 months
Correct your spelling
3-month
 subscription plan of streaming
services
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.
Hence
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, online platforms are more relevant compared to
cinemas
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. In conclusion, as per the above-mentioned reasons
such
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 as convenient place and time and affordable cost, the new streaming
services
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 are replacing the
cinemas
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 and I totally agree with the given statement.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

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task response
Address the task more directly and provide a more balanced argument instead of focusing solely on the advantages of streaming services.
coherence and cohesion
Include a clearer introduction and conclusion, as well as more explicit topic sentences in each paragraph to enhance coherence and cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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