IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The local council is planning to create ‘dispersal zones’ in certain areas of the city to try to reduce street fighting. what is your opinion?

#council #zones’ #areas #city #street
Nowadays the regent is planning to create dispersal zones in certain areas of the city to try to decrease street flighting and they can
also
 remove people who do live in the area and arrest them.
In addition
, they added to the
scheme
 that after nine, teenagers and children cannot leave the house.
I’m
Unnecessary verb
I
show examples
approval
Replace the word
approved
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
scheme
. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
this
scheme
don’t
Change the verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 solve
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
. No attacker stop after that more than that it
is not help
Change the verb form
does not help
show examples
 to cut the risk of teen.
For example
, someone who wants to go in any way,can find an exit and continue the crime,
this
 is not an effective
scheme
. I propose a more efficient idea, we can install cameras and with
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 we can easily find out when and who the crime was.
For instance
, if there is a crime with someone, we can easily find criminals and only arrest them. Why it is
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 idea? Because in my opinion,it would be better to arrest only criminals and others who are far from it, who do not care
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 nothing to do.Because if all teenagers and children will not leave the house because of some criminal teenagers. In conclusion, I want that other teens to be hurt too, whoever it doesn't concern , I guess teens from other teens who are criminals shouldn't suffer.
Submitted by rruwwwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: