Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Music is highly considered a unique approach to gathering people from various nationalities and cultures together. I totally agree with

this

opinion

due to

the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. To commence with, there is no denying the fact that music occupies an axial role in the

overall

mental status of humans. If human beings had not invented

this

form of art, our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

would be so dull and dreary. There is no substitute for something that can convey numerous emotions without any words to people from all around the globe.

For example

, recently the new wave of Korean pop, aka K-pop, has spread widely.

Although

, only a few numbers of individuals might fully understand

this

type of pop,

due to

its innovative rhythm folks from multifarious cultures have been attracted to

this

trend.

On the other hand

, instrumental arts are capable of manipulating one’s emotions.

Consequently

, no matter how old are you or which nation you belong the fine sound of instruments can touch your heart. By way of example, Beethoven as one of the most celebrated musicians was able to produce plenty of memorable symphonies which are highly acclaimed by almost everyone.

Moreover

, not only do pleasant sounds of musical pieces make a profound impact on mental health, but rhythms

also

can convey the inner

feeling

Fix the agreement mistake

feelings

show examples

of the musicians in an artistic way.

Hence

due to

its narrow relation with feelings, the traces of these melodies can easily be found in a calm mind and body even if you do not comprehend the hidden meaning behind notes and lyrics.

To sum up

, as discussed in the above paragraphs, I agree with the idea that melodic pieces are an integral part of society and can bring everyone together despite all their differences. It is undeniable that using musical tones is a brilliant method to bring social members together since it does not contain any specific language.

Submitted by TUTOO on Tue Dec 20 2022

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task response

Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear and comprehensive response. Ensure that you provide more specific examples to support your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure and a well-presented introduction and conclusion. Work on improving the connection between your ideas for better coherence and cohesion.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

321 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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