IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many believe that success in life mainly depends on hard work and determination while others believe that factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearance
The majority of folk believe that hard
work
 and determination are the keys to
success
 in life while others believe that factors like
money
 and demeanour are essential. I agree with the majority of
people
 because
money
 is a by-product of backbreaking
work
. I will give my views on both opinions and examples of why I trust hard
work
 and willpower. At
first
, the reason why
people
 consider welfare and superiority in appearance are the main factors that lead to
success
 stems from opportunities provided by them.
This
 is because
money
 enables
people
 to get quality education and confidence to achieve their goals.
For example
, wealthy children can get standard schooling, which can assure a great future,
success
 and opportunities rather than poor family children.
On the other hand
, with hard
work
 , and resolution a person can achieve any goals and
success
. These two factors are essential traits of successful
people
. Because they can turn any unfavourable conditions to their advantage.
For example
, the famous soccer player Ronaldo.
Although
 he grew up in a poor family, but with his determination and tough ,
work
 he is one of the great players who played
this
 game. With these , achievements he has
money
 and everything. And
this
 gives him confidence which improves his personality The conclusion of
this
 essay is that
money
 and personal appearance are the by-products of hard
work
. So everyone should focus on goals and
work
 hard with all of their willpower.
Submitted by mk937634 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: