IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Although
Linking Words
 people believed that harsher
punishment
Use synonyms
 reduces
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
, other individuals think that there are more efficient ways to stop scandals. I believe that a lengthy period of incarceration would be more fitting. Some people believe that longer
prison
Use synonyms
 terms are preferable because they keep
criminals
Use synonyms
 off the streets and stop them and others from committing
crimes
Use synonyms
 as frequently, and I agree with them.
In other words
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, violent offenders who are imprisoned for a number of years are given more time to reflect on their lives and change for the better.
Additionally
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, increasing
prison
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 sentences serves as a discouragement to those who might want to commit similar horrible
crimes
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, since those responsible for
such
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crimes
Use synonyms
 are given life in
prison
Use synonyms
, the number of rapists has significantly decreased.
Thus
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,
this
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 has contributed to a decrease in the frequency of
crime
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.
Furthermore
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, continued
punishment
Use synonyms
 ensures that
society
Use synonyms
 is properly protected.
That is
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 to say, when
criminals
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 who are a threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 are convicted to
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
 years in jail it would return peace and harmony back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, reducing the incidence of
reported
Add an article
a reported
the reported
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 heinous
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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 that, it is frequently held that it is preferable if the emphasis is placed on creating a larger
society
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 as opposed to
punishment
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.
This
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 is due to the fact that keeping a
prison
Use synonyms
 for an extended period of time can be extremely expensive, and the burden is frequently placed on
tax paying
Add a hyphen
tax-paying
show examples
 citizens. The justice system should
therefore
Linking Words
 focus on the ways that
criminals
Use synonyms
 benefit
society
Use synonyms
 rather than the other way around.
This
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 program decreased the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate because,
for instance
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, if one individual stole property, he would spend 30 days in an orphanage with foreign children who had lost everything. Another factor is that prisons concentrate
Use synonyms
punishment
Change preposition
on punishment
show examples
 rather than programs for training and rehabilitation. There should be other, more effective ways to train and provide tools for villains to improve their character. so reducing
crime
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
society
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. In conclusion, even though people's opinions may differ. I believe that convicting
criminals
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 for a long period of time is more beneficial since it deters future
crimes
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 and restores peace and
tranquility
Change the spelling
tranquillity
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the community.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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