IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that too much attention and many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
Some arguments are held about whether
wildlife
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 a great deal of attention and
resources
 in
Add an article
the preserve
show examples
preserve
Replace the word
preservation
show examples
. I disagree with those who think that the
animals
 and
birds
 have too much surveillance and
resources
 in
preserve
Replace the word
preservation
show examples
 because in spite of
such
Add an article
the such
show examples
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
 of
protection
 they are still in danger of being hurt by
humans
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 since they play a key role in
Add an article
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, they even require much more
protection
 which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 discuss in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
 as
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
:
In addition
 to
humans
,
wildlife
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
such
 as accommodation,
not
Correct word choice
and not
show examples
 being haunted by
humans
.
Although
such
 preserves and facilities are provided for them partially, a large number of
wildlife
 are on the verge of extinction or death due to human activities.
For instance
, annually a myriad of them are killed by
humans
 for their meat or skin. It means enough
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
 of taking care and providing
resources
 for
animals
 or
birds
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not adopted.
In addition
, it is important to protect
wildlife
 even
a
Correct word choice
though a
show examples
great number of
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and care have to be taken. What
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean to say is that
animals
 are effective for
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 in terms of either providing products like eggs,
milk
Correct word choice
and milk
show examples
, or eating weeds. Many Farmers make a living
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 selling these yields. In the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 these sales compound the income of
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Besides
,
instead
 of burning weeds, their crops are
prune
Wrong verb form
pruned
show examples
 by animal grazing which is
also
 beneficial for
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Therefore
, too much attention and too many
resources
 should be dedicated
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
protection
Add an article
the protection
show examples
 of
animals
 and
birds
. Overall, while some people claim that too much care and facilities are given
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of
animals
 and
birds
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that even with
such
 amount of preserves many
animals
 and
birds
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 killed or dead and since they are economically and environmentally useful,
such
 attention and facilities in
protection
 should be more.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: