IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #music #culture #ages
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There is no doubt about the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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music
Use synonyms
 plays an essential role in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
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 life.
However
Linking Words
, it is believed by some masses that
melody
Use synonyms
combining
Wrong verb form
combines
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 people of district customs and ages together from all over the world. I agree with
this
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 statement and shall explain
this
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 in upcoming paragraphs. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the
first
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 and perhaps the most important reason behind
this
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 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 folks are fond of
melody
Use synonyms
 and they
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 it
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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. In brief, the
music
Use synonyms
 industry makes
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of
songs
Use synonyms
 every year,so
one
Use synonyms
 can enjoy tunes
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 in order to release stress.
Furthermore
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,
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 generation
opt
Change the verb form
opts
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 to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
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 old
songs
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 like classical and traditional,while the youth
is find
Change the verb form
is found
is finding
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 interest in rock or pop
songs
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.
Thus
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, every age group's people play the song,and
all
Correct determiner usage
the
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 population dance
with
Change preposition
to
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 it regardless of their age and enjoy the
music
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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 to
this
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,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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music
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 producers create
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remix
Fix the agreement mistake
remixes
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 strains of old and new
songs
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,
therefore
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,
one
Use synonyms
 can enjoy
such
Linking Words
 kind of
melody
Use synonyms
 by
listening
Add the preposition
tolistening
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Moving forward,
in
Change preposition
apply
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these days, owing to
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 of technology, everyone has their own devices
such
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 as mobile
phone
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phones
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,
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
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 or
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
,
hence
Linking Words
 it is very convenient for individuals to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
songs
Use synonyms
 of
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. It is observed that teenagers are very interested in listening
Change preposition
to english
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english
Change the capitalization
English
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 and
punjabi
Change the capitalization
Punjabi
show examples
Use synonyms
melody
Fix the agreement mistake
melodies
show examples
. By doing
this
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one
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 only aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 different languages,but
also
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 it helps them to learn other languages.
Moreover
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, many
singars
Correct your spelling
singers
 have done international concerts, and
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
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 of youngsters attend
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
music
Use synonyms
 events.
Therefore
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, it would be fruitful to bring masses of
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. In conclusion, from the aforementioned points, it is aptly seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 is the best way to combine people
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other countries and cultures.
Submitted by pyash5245 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
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