IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Example Question– Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers' (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

#question– #people #community #service #part #school #programmers #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
Many people agree that voluntary work that will benefit the communities should be mandatory for high school
students
. I totally agree with that as these
community
 services will help the
students
 to be an effective part of their
community
 which will improve them,
also
this
 will make the connection between the society members stronger. First and foremost, voluntary works help
students
 to grow a sense of responsibility. As they need to manage their life between studying and working in
community
 services, they will learn to deal with their time in a wiser way so they
do not waste it on nothing
Rewrite the sentence
do not waste it on anything
waste it on nothing
show examples
.
In addition
, they will learn new skills that may develop them either in their school or in their future life.
For example
, teaching some subjects like math or physics to children might help these
students
 to be great prospective university professors.
Secondly
, unpaid
community
 service is a privilege when it comes to building relationships.
Students
 will interact with different kinds of people during their voluntary duties, and they will know how the other think.
As a result
,
this
 will help them to pass the barriers be more confident in themselves and know how to deal with others.
For instance
, many of the
students
 who work
while
 they are studying, have a lot of friends and relationships and some of these people may be much older than them. In conclusion, I believe that unpaid
community
 work will create a society that acts as a family which helps each other and learns to grow in a good way.
Submitted by okalqusay on

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt and presents clear arguments, adding more specific examples could strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt and tackles the main points of the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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