IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that watching TV and playing computer games should be limited and substituted by reading books. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

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Overall
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, I agree with the statement that there is a need to set a
time
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 limit on the given sources of entertainment like television and playing
games
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 on a computer, and
instead
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,
this
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time
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 should be diverted to reading different
books
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 because
this
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 would assist
people
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 to enhance their communication, concentration, and knowledge.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 these days spend more
time
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 watching various things on television like series on Netflix, movies, and in fact, daily soaps as without a doubt they find them interesting. Apart from that, playing video
games
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 on the computer is full of fun as these
games
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 are built with various enticing features,
for example
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, Roblox, Pubgee, and many more.
Although
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 these things are full of fiction and drama, and
this
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 is the reason humans like to spend more
time
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 on TV and on automated
games
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, there should be a
time
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 boundation to spend on them.
On the other hand
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, reading
books
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 assists
people
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 in learning new words, and
this
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 helps to raise their level of communication as they would be able to communicate with
people
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 around the world easily without any hesitation.
Also
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, individuals would manage to enhance their concentration as consistent readers are always considered to be more focused .
In addition
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,
books
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 are authentic sources, and we can rely on them if we want to gain knowledge in any aspect.
Books
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 are written by various renowned writers, and
people
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 can always learn new things by reading them.
For example
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, in schools and universities, teachers always encourage, emphasize, and insist students read different
books
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 to get information about particular units as they are the best sources which students can trust .
People
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 who have a habit of reading
books
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 are always considered to be more knowledgeable. In conclusion,
although
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 it is inevitable that in the contemporary world with technological advancements, televisions and video
games
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 have become an indispensable part of life,
this
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 is
also
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 true that
people
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 should set their
time
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 limit to spend on them
,
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apply
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 and spare that
time
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 to develop a healthy hobby of reading
books
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 in order to gain more authentic knowledge, increase their level of communication and concentration

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example specificity
Try to include more varied and specific examples to support your points. While general examples are provided, adding more detailed instances can enhance the strength of your arguments.
sentence variety
Consider diversifying sentence structures and transitions to enhance the flow of your essay further. While the essay already shows a good use of linking words, further variety could boost coherence.
argument clarity
To improve task achievement, make sure every paragraph clearly supports your main argument. Ensure each point is directly tied back to how reading books can substitute watching TV or playing computer games.
introduction/conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, clearly presenting your viewpoint and summarizing the main points of the essay.
logical structure
You've done well to structure your essay logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
language use
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and grammar, contributing to the overall clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure time
  • passive entertainment
  • active mental engagement
  • foster
  • complex concepts
  • screen time
  • concentration and focus
  • counterargument
  • cognitive development
  • problem-solving skills
  • balanced approach
  • diverse media landscape
  • multi-modal learning
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