IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Cities are becoming overcrowded. What are the causes of this situation, and what can be done to improve this situation?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
One big problem of the developed countries is that the infrastructure of their main towns cannot sustain the levels of urbanization. The main reason why people are moving into the big city is that they are offered a lot more opportunities for work.
However
Linking Words
, the high population density could be easily decreased if the government
stimulate
Wrong verb form
stimulated
show examples
 a decentralization of the economy in rural areas of the nation.
Body · 1
The result of the wide range of job offers in large cities is that those areas are attracting more and more young families to move there in order to maintain a higher quality of life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all big industries are located in the capital of our country-Bulgaria,
therefore
Linking Words
, ¼ of the population lives there.
For example
Linking Words
, if we look at the IT sector, all of the software engineering companies have established their offices in big business centres all around Sofia, which is the capital of Bulgaria. It is reported that over 150,000 people are currently working in
this
Linking Words
 area, and they are settled mostly within the city.
Body · 2
A long-term solution to
this
Linking Words
 predicament is to relocate part of the mentioned industries to the countryside- a process called ‘decentralization’. If our politics manage to do so, a vast majority of the workforce will be established in different smaller towns which in the end will reduce the
overall
Linking Words
 population in the capital.
For example
Linking Words
, it was recently announced by the government that they are planning to move the tobacco factory” Bulgartabak” from Sofia to Varna, which is the third largest city in the country. By doing so, they promised that nearly 25,000 people
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 switch their homes and will start living in the latter.
Conclusion
In conclusion, overpopulation in many cities is a disturbing issue that we all must pay attention to.
Consequently
Linking Words
, as workplaces are the main reason why humans live in those locations, the problem connected with
this
Linking Words
 could easily be tackled just by diverting some of the big corporations all over the country.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed. Provide a clear position and support it with relevant examples and details. Use appropriate vocabulary and sentence structures to convey ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing an overview of the topic and summarizing the main points effectively. Work on improving the organization and connection of ideas within paragraphs to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: