Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

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In our
lives
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,lives

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parents
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and their children need to spend quality
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

together. Unfortunately, these days,
this
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tradition is losing its role because of their busy schedule and focus on their careers.
This
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essay will explore why
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is
and
Correct your spelling
an

The word and doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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attempt to explain the effects of
this
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problem.
To begin
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,
this
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can be attributed to numerous culprits. The teenagers who lack parental attention were adversely affected. One of the main reasons
of
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for

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this
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is
busy
Add an article
a busy

The noun phrase busy life seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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life. Nowadays,
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

spend most of their
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

earning money,
developing
Correct word choice
and developing

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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their careers.
Although
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they come
to
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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home
Add an article
the home
a home

The noun phrase home seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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, they sit on a computer or smartphone day in,
day
Correct word choice
and day

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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out. Those who take up the role of
parents
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have to devote all their
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to work in order to cover the living expenses.
Furthermore
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, modern-day juniors and adults
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

spend their
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their studies, extra classes
around
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for around

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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12 hours per day,
even
Correct word choice
and even

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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doing homework,
as a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is really hard to find
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to care
each
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for each

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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other. Apart from
it
Add a comma
,it

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Apart from it. Consider adding a comma.

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there are technological items or social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks

It seems that network may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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which leads to dividing them apart, diminishing
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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family bonds.
On the other hand
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, kids are more affected than
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

case. Lacking close conversations and
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable

The spelling of favorable is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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activities with
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can cause a frenzy of emotional issues
to
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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youngsters. A child who does not talk to his
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at home and does not get their opinion in various areas will be strongly influenced by the environment. They don't know whether it is right or wrong before they act.
As a result
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they may face
with
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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various bad consequences, including various criminal cases or unknowingly joining bad people and street thugs. In general,
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are responsible for their children, they should always check what their child is busy with, namely be aware and spend
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with them. In conclusion, seniors should adjust the amount of
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

at work and take full advantage of their free
time
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to spend with their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children

It seems that child may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in order to provoke family solidarity as well as for the sake of their children's development.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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