IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more people today are drinking sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

#people #drinks
In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, various types of sugar-based energy
drinks
 are famous
also
 many brands are available. Nowadays, more and more sugar-based
drinks
 are drunk. People can be easily attracted by powerful
advertisements
 and
taste
Correct article usage
the taste
show examples
 of that
drinks
. For stopping
this
, more steps should be taken which are discussed in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, the
first
 strong reason is that
advertisements
, which are shown by manufactural.
In other words
, in
advertisements
, the benefits of drinking these
drinks
 should be shown and some impressive hacks are used for attracting their customers.
For example
, for advertising
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Pepsi, they use various
slogan
Fix the agreement mistake
slogans
show examples
such
 as “Dar ke aage jit hai”,
also
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 that after drinking
this
 drink, people feel energetic.
In addition
,
manufactural
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 makes these
drinks
 sweet and tasty. Because of that, customers like it. Most of all
drinks’
Change noun form
drinks
show examples
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sweeten
Wrong verb form
sweetened
show examples
 and just because of that some believe that these
drinks
 can help to increase
sugar
Add an article
the sugar
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 in their body. They never see which contents are used for making these.
Hence
, more people like to drink sugar-based
drinks
. There are many ways for spreading awareness about the drawbacks of sugar-based energy
drinks
.
Firstly
, in
advertisements
,
manufactural
Replace the word
manufacturers
show examples
 should
shows
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 their original
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. On the wrappers of these
products
, all the ingredients should be mentioned,
also
 which are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
 body.
To
Change preposition
For
show examples
 instance, the Complain,
this
 product is used by children. So, parents should be
award
Correct your spelling
aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the real ingredients before they use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Secondly
, the government should ban those
products
, which
contents
Replace the word
contain
show examples
 too much sugar just for making
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 tasty
also
, the respected authorities should do campaigning for awareness. By taking
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 steps towards
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
products
, the government make their nation healthy and aware. To conclude, for getting
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 and aware nation, the government should ban all the harmful and sugar-based
products
, which are become famous because of their
advertisements
 and taste.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: