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Writing Samples
Band 5

Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?

#numbers #people #sports #risks #participation
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Today many
games
Use synonyms
 are being played all over the world. Some of them are extremely risky and
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
. Despite
of
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apply
show examples
these
facts
Add a comma
,facts
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 their popularity is growing and many
people
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 are playing
such
Linking Words
games
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 on a professional level.
This
Linking Words
 essay will identify the reasons why
people
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 are playing
such
Linking Words
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 and provide some practical approaches to minimize the risk associated with these
games
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.
First
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 of
all
Add a comma
,all
show examples
 we need to find out the reason why
such
Linking Words
 dangerous
games
Use synonyms
 are becoming so popular. To start with, the major attraction for players is good money that could be earned from a single game in just one day.
This
Linking Words
 type of quick money increases stimulation among many players to adopt
games
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such
Linking Words
 as boxing, wrestling, bull riding etc. Perhaps, fame and popularity is
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 compelling reason that encourages
people
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 to choose certain
games
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.
Furthermore
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,
its
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it's
it is
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 proven that it is human nature to accept challenges and do things differently. Many players love to accept challenges and they want to astonish the world
by
Change preposition
with
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 their unique
talent
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talents
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 and skills. As these
games
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 are now being introduced in the world and many
people
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 are joining them it is important to reduce risks by introducing some policies and procedures.
For instance
Linking Words
, anyone who wants to participate
in particular
Linking Words
Use synonyms
games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
show examples
 would not be allowed to play it until he/she
deemed
Add a missing verb
is deemed
show examples
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
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 per cent
competence
Replace the word
competent
show examples
 in
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 skills and knowledge.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is important to endorse
high quality
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high-quality
show examples
 personal
protection
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protective
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 equipment and training to combat risk associated with
games
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. In conclusion, excellent
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of policies, procedures and training are
integral
Change the article
an integral
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part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of treating the risks associated with
such
Linking Words
games
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bob1128t on

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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