Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is true that many
people
increasingly take care of their
appearance
. Even
appearance
is considered a great competitiveness in some countries.
Although
expenditures for fashion are on the rise, I would argue that there are better ways to use
money
. In
this
present world, as social media has developed, many populations
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
having the desire to become good-looking
people
. It is obvious that
people
who take care of their
appearance
by following the latest fashion are more likely to look attractive.
For example
, handsome and beautiful folks on social media are able to become famous easily.
This
popularity allows them to create income through YouTube or TV.
In addition
, employers tend to choose better-looking
people
when they hire employees. The result is that enhancing
appearance
may lead to a successful life in society.
However
, I believe that it is better to invest
money
in experience. Needless to say, experience is one of the most important factors in our life.
While
beauty and fashion items are temporary as material, experiences could take to a grave as memories.
Moreover
,
people
who
underwent
Wrong verb form
undergo
show examples
diverse experiences are more likely to realize what they really want to do. When
people
do their favourite things, they feel true happiness.
Therefore
, if they are aware of what they truly like, they could spend their
money
on the most valuable things.
As a result
,
people
who have many experiences tend to be successful in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that
this
debate highlights there are more precious fields to spend
money
on, rather than paying for cosmetics and clothes.
Submitted by wjsansrbs on

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task response
Ensure that your examples are relevant and directly support your points. Provide specific details to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Good use of linking words and phrases to create a clear and cohesive essay. Try to further develop your supporting ideas to improve coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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