Many people are working longer hours. Why is this happening? What problems can this cause to people?

#people #hours

It is alarming that working overtime is increasingly prevalent in a large population of employees. Reasons for

this

phenomenon vary, and it has several impacts. These

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

be elucidated below.

To begin

with, there are several explanations for said matter.

First,

workers have to cover their families’ expenses. To be specific, it is impossible for them to afford the high price for necessities which grows exponentially with their formal salaries.

As a result

, they are required to allocate more time to extra work which enables them to receive lucrative income.

Second,

they desire to quickly reach new heights

Change preposition

show examples

their career.

In particular

, there are fierce competitions among staff in corporations which provide a myriad of benefits and opportunities.

Thus

, working more than the essential time enables them to have an excellent performance so they

could

Wrong verb form

can

show examples

easily climb career ladders. Unfortunately, the topic in question poses a variety of hindrances for workers. First and foremost, staff are more likely to face serious health issues. To elaborate, being exposed to the computer screen leads to vision impairments . Worse still, they are forced to adopt a sedentary lifestyle when sitting for hours and suffer from mental diseases

due to

their overwhelmed state.

In addition

, they lack time to concentrate on other crucial aspects. Particularly, overtime work prevents them from paying attention to their families and establishing social relationships.

Therefore

, they could be isolated and separated from their loved ones and friends, who offer them motivation and energy. In conclusion, working overtime is quite attractive because of financial advantages and job promotions.

Nonetheless

, it could deprive personnel of protecting their well-being and personal lives.

Submitted by nttung.182 on Sat Dec 24 2022

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task response

Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more distinct and comprehensive, providing a clear overview of the essay content. Use linking words and phrases to improve coherence and cohesion within and between paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The essay has presented relevant points, however, a stronger and more cohesive argument can be built by providing clearer explanations and examples for the reasons behind working longer hours, as well as the problems this may cause.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people are working longer hours. Why is this happening? What problems can this cause to people?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some People Think That the Government Should Pay for Health Care and Education, but Others Believe It Is Not the Government’s Responsibility. Discuss Both Views and Give Your Own Opinion.

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction? How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?

Nowadays, more people move away from their families and friends for work. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

many young people today do not spend their weekends or holidays doing activities outdoors in the natural environment, e.g. hiking, mountain climbing. why is this? what can be done to encourage young people to spend more time in the natural environment?

In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.