IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugars #health #people #sugar
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Nowadays, Sugary foods have a wide range of distribution in the markets because
Change preposition
of its
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 relatively low price.
Although
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 carbohydrates and
sugars
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 are required for our bodies in limited
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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, many health professionals claim that strong
measure
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measures
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 must be taken as adding more
taxes
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 on these
products
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, as excessive consumption of sugar
products
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 may lead to tremendous hazardous effects on human health;
however
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, other critics argue that more
taxes
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 on these
products
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 will not lead to lower consumption as most grocery
products
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 have a high percentage of
sugars
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. In my view, I utterly concur that adding more
taxes
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 on these
products
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 is a good procedure to control the various negative effects of sugary items.
To begin
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, excessive consumption of sugar
products
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 is associated with many
diseases
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 including diabetes, hypertension, and other
diseases
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. These effects are more notable in children.
Moreover
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,
products
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 with
high
Add an article
a high
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 percentage of
Use synonyms
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
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 seems to be addictive. To illustrate, many children who eat too
much
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many
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Use synonyms
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
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 are more borne
to
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of
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 obesity, which results in lower activity and
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
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 their studying efficiency will decrease.
This
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 can be demonstrated by learning from professional athletes, who have
a
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apply
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great performance that lasted for years for many factors, including
the
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apply
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nutrition which contains low proportions of
sugars
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.
In addition
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, increasing
taxes
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 will result in higher prices of these items, which in turn, will decrease the capability of buying them;
however
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, these policies may affect the income of many food companies.
As a result
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, companies may lead to
produce
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producing
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 alternative and healthy
products
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.
In other words
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, more regulations will be set by both the companies and
government
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the government
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 to produce healthier
item
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items
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.
Also
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, people will tend
more
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apply
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to eat fresh vegetables and fruits as a natural substitute for
sugars
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. In conclusion, adding more
taxes
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 on these
products
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 will encourage the use of alternative healthy food
products
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.
Also
Linking Words
, it can be a key factor for controlling obesity as well as controlling
diseases
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 like diabetes and heart
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diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
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.
Submitted by heshamabasiry13 on

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