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Band 4

Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university #work #travel #outweigh
There is a tendency for some
students
 to have an off year before
university
 in order to have a job or take a trip. What I believe is that the merits of
such
 action are overshadowed by its merits since
this
 gap has some detrimental effects on their futures which I explain in detail as follows: What has to
mentioned
Add a missing verb
be mentioned
show examples
 in terms of disadvantages is that
this
 interval makes
students
 apart from
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 environment;
hence
, they need more time and effort to pass the
university
 entrance exam.
such
Add an article
a such
the such
show examples
attempt
Fix the agreement mistake
attempts
show examples
 can impose a heavy burden on them so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they might become frustrated at yielding the desired results and
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 them to
dropout
Correct your spelling
drop out
show examples
 or depression.
On the other hand
, while
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 of
students
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 restricted, making money in which their requirements are met,
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a large amount of joy for them. In
this
 regard, due to their maturity, either they never come back to school or
university
 and keep doing some ordinary job with
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 salary or after many years they would be interested in studying with their hectic schedule which in many cases is not effective.
Conversely
, some people are
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the opinion that taking a year off before
university
 makes
students
 accumulate hands-on
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 in their job and obtain much information on their
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there will be countless of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of opportunities for them in the future;
therefore
, it is better to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their education for a while. In conclusion,
although
 some
students
 wish to try on working or travelling for a year before they go to
university
, I think the cons of
this
 notion outweigh its pros since it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 their future adversely.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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