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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some students take a year off between school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#students #year #school #university #work #travel #outweigh
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There is a tendency for some
students
Use synonyms
 to have an off year before
university
Use synonyms
 in order to have a job or take a trip. What I believe is that the merits of
such
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 action are overshadowed by its merits since
this
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 gap has some detrimental effects on their futures which I explain in detail as follows: What has to
mentioned
Add a missing verb
be mentioned
show examples
 in terms of disadvantages is that
this
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 interval makes
students
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 apart from
academic
Add an article
the academic
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 environment;
hence
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, they need more time and effort to pass the
university
Use synonyms
 entrance exam.
Linking Words
such
Add an article
a such
the such
show examples
attempt
Fix the agreement mistake
attempts
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 can impose a heavy burden on them so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they might become frustrated at yielding the desired results and
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 them to
dropout
Correct your spelling
drop out
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 or depression.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, while
budget
Add an article
the budget
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 of
students
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
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 restricted, making money in which their requirements are met,
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 a large amount of joy for them. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, due to their maturity, either they never come back to school or
university
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 and keep doing some ordinary job with
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 salary or after many years they would be interested in studying with their hectic schedule which in many cases is not effective.
Conversely
Linking Words
, some people are
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the opinion that taking a year off before
university
Use synonyms
 makes
students
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 accumulate hands-on
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 in their job and obtain much information on their
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 there will be countless of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of opportunities for them in the future;
therefore
Linking Words
, it is better to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their education for a while. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
students
Use synonyms
 wish to try on working or travelling for a year before they go to
university
Use synonyms
, I think the cons of
this
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 notion outweigh its pros since it
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 their future adversely.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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