IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

International tourism has been prevailing for many years. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#tourism #years
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With the advances
of
Change preposition
in
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 transportation technology, foreign travelling has been prevailing for many years. In my opinion, global
tourism
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
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 more advantages than disadvantages, I will explain my point of view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for some countries that
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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lack
of
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apply
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natural resources,
tourism
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 can be a main source
for
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of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth.
Tourism
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 can make income for the local people and become
main
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the main
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 source of earnings for the country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, international
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 usually
bring
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brings
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 a lot of money to spend in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourist
Use synonyms
 spot. It can lead to economic development and reduce the number of unemployed people. Touristry can lead to career recruitment and it can provide jobs for the local population.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the place
that is
Linking Words
 popular for
tourism
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 or
so-called
Correct article usage
a so-called
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tourist
Use synonyms
 spot can be renovated and developed in order to improve that location
for
Change preposition
to
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 being a famous
tourist
Use synonyms
 attraction to gain more profit for the local community.
For example
Linking Words
, Bali is the most
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 Island for travelling in Indonesia, and the
tourism
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 facility in there is already mature.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, international
tourism
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 can be a medium for the nation to introduce
themself
Correct pronoun usage
itself
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.
Such
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 as
Maldives
Correct article usage
the Maldives
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, a small country in Asia, but really known as a beautiful destination for
honeymoon
Correct article usage
a honeymoon
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. To sum up, there are so many benefits of international touristry that become an important source of income in many countries. I think the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 issue are more than
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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 and think that we should encourage both government and the public to continue developing the
tourist
Use synonyms
 industry.
Submitted by rifqiadityariadhi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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