IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
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Nowadays,
supermarkets
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 owned by global organizations have started to open branches in remote locations,like, villages, and mountain areas where local
markets
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 have lost
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 consumer base to
this
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 mart.Local businesses and society have an invaluable connection to each other with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 traditions,culture and lifestyle.
My opinion
Correct pronoun usage
Opinion
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, I agree that local
communities
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 are
also
Linking Words
 under threat. because these big malls
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 attracting consumers from these
markets
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 not only is
this
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 affecting local work but
also
Linking Words
 local
communities
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.
firstly
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,mall offer more diverse products than traditional shops,
moreover
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 because these
supermarkets
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 are backed by huge global companies they are able to offer discounts that these local
markets
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 can't,from which customers are increasingly preferring
supermarkets
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instead
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 of ones local.
Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
,additionally
show examples
 traditional business
are
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is
show examples
 affected by
supermarkets
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 because of the lack of advertising local business depends on consumer returning
Correct your spelling
their
thier
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 profits and cannot raise capital for investment ,unlike
supermarkets
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 who due to big advertising are attracting not only buyers from local shops but
also
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 new consumers.
for example
Linking Words
supermarkets
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 can afford to hire big celebrities for commercial
thus
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 attracting more consumers,which local shops can't.
However
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, the opening
Change preposition
of
show examples
supermarkets
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 can benefit local manufacturers by sourcing
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 produce and selling on
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
premises,in other ,words shopping
center
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centre
show examples
 can sign a contract with local farmers in order to provide
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 customer with fresh goods, and locally -sourced products,
this
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 way
supermarkets
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 can help
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 thrive.
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 new branches in new places help create jobs for locals,
therefore
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 helping out individuals in need of jobs,but many corporations have profit as
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 goal
instead
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 of helping out local
communities
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. To conclude
i
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I
show examples
 believe that the disappearance of local
markets
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 has mainly been because uncontrolled development of new shopping centres.
Linking Words
also
Add a comma
,also
show examples
 we should put pressure on the government to introduce policies to help maintain the essence of local
communities
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 and
markets
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Submitted by todear7krishna on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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