IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

#years #rise #crimes #people #cities
Crimes
 rates in cities committed by youngsters have increased in recent years.
This
 essay will illustrate two main reasons for
this
 issue, which are problems in a nuclear family and the increased use of
drugs
 and alcohol.
However
, these are some steps to tackle
this
 problem. Some of them are the responsibility of the government,
such
 as legislation and others are the liability of
parents
 like paying more
attention
 to the juvenile requirements. At
first
, children may grow up in families a lack of enough
attention
.
Parents
 are too busy to spend enough time taking care of and educating their offspring. Youngsters learn from their
parents
, and
parents
 could teach them how to face difficulty by showing positive
attention
 to them.
For instance
, youth become prone to commit
crimes
 because they do not know how to control their anger and anxiety. The
second
 reason is the increased use of
drugs
 and drinks among teenagers.
Drugs
 and alcohol are easily accessible these days, even with some restriction rules. Due to the use of
drugs
 teenagers lose their control of reactions and do abnormal behaviours.
For example
, some teenagers believe
drugs
 and alcohol are a shortcut to happiness and turn to
drugs
. Based on some research, young people under the influence of
drugs
 commit
crimes
 twice as much as others.
However
, tackling
this
 issue needs a variety of solutions. At
first
, the government is responsible to limit and prevent access to
drugs
 and drinks for youth by making laws and punishments.
On the other hand
,
Parents
also
 should spend more time with their children and teach them how to choose between right and wrong. In conclusion, the fact that the rates of violation have increased in the youth generation is an important problem in most urban areas. To solve
this
 issue the government has a duty to decrease
crimes
 by making laws and preventing violations with punishments.
Moreover
, juveniles need more positive
attention
 from their
parents
 to learn the ability to make true decisions.
Submitted by ahmad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: