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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on TV or reading about them in the newspapers. What is the reason for this? Is it a good idea to copy famous personalities?

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One of the downsides of technology is that people cannot differentiate between reality and illusions anymore. In the contemporary era, numerous individuals are captivated by the perfection promoted by well-known
personalities
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 on all
media
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 platforms, and,
therefore
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, driven by the prospects of popularity, they tend to adopt their persona.
This
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 essay discloses the reason
of
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for
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such
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trend
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a trend
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 and explores why it is not a reasonable method to follow
this
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 idea. First and foremost, popular figures portray
perferction
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perfection
 which intrigues people substantially.
In other words
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, since all famous stars earn huge compensation, accessing amenities that
polishes
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polish
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 every single component of their mind and body becomes convenient for them. Owing to
this
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, they tend to thrive more charismatically compared to the general population, and,
as a result
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, they appeal
common
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to common
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 people tremendously.
For instance
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, several famous individuals spend a lot cultivating their outlook,
due to
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 which they
magentise
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magnetise
magnetize
 the crowd outstandingly.
Hence
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, it is the beautification of these figures that compels individuals to adopt every aspect of their
personalities
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.
Nonetheless
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, since the fashion of copying
such
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 famous
personalities
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 has negative
consequenes
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consequences
, it should be discouraged at all costs. To elaborate on
this
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 point, what appears on
media
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 covers, which includes social
media
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,
televison
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television
, newspapers and magazines, is one-sided and does not reveal the conditions on the other side.
For example
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,
general
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the general
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 crowd remains unaware of obstacles and hindrances that
such
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 stars have to overcome in order to portray themselves as all-rounders.
Thus
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, since the entire routine of these
personalities
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 remains unknown, it is an oblivious action to admire these
personalities
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 solely on their appearances
on
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in
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 the
media
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. In conclusion,
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media
Correct article usage
the media
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 shows only the best side of the
personalities
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while
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 covering their flaws and keeping
it
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them
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 a secret from the population.
Subsequently
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,
youngster
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youngsters
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 following the footsteps of these stars should be discouraged as
this
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 may lead to
unforseen
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unforeseen
 aftermath. Notwithstanding, it is better to acknowledge that these
peopular
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popular
people
figure
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figures
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 are merely for entertainment purposes alone.

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task achievement
Your essay fully addresses the task, but ensure that all arguments are equally well developed. Some points could be expanded upon to provide more depth, such as the psychological reasons for people wanting to imitate celebrities.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that all your points flow logically from one to the next. While your essay is structured well, sometimes it feels like there is a slight jump between ideas. Using more transitional phrases can help with this.
accuracy
Be mindful of minor grammatical and spelling errors, such as 'perfection' instead of 'perferction' and 'television' instead of 'televison'. These small mistakes can slightly detract from the overall readability of your essay.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the main points and sets up the essay effectively. It grabs attention and focuses the reader on the issue at hand.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and reinforces your main points, providing a concise end to your essay.
supported main points
Your main points are generally well-supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emulate
  • epitomes
  • self-esteem
  • void
  • lifestyles
  • role models
  • inspiration
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • unique talents
  • superficial
  • material wealth
  • public image
  • personal fulfillment
  • ethical values
  • constructive
  • personal growth
  • values
  • philanthropy
  • resilience
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