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Band 5

Governments spend a lot of money on public celebration such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spend too much on this and they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #celebration #holidays #festivals #people #government
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 spends a
lot
 of
money
 on national events and
festivals
. Some
people
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
governments
 should spend
money
 on vital matters rather than spending on celebration and I totally agree with
this
 opinion. There are a
lot
 of problems in each
country
 that should be prioritized so, more perception is needed for spending
money
.
In addition
, machinery lives
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
people
 busier than before
hence
,
people
 devote less attention to public
festivals
. As a matter of fact, countries have come up with critical situations
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 why
governments
 should
prioritized
Wrong verb form
prioritise
show examples
 obstacles and tackle them through perception. There are a
lot
 of events in a
country
’s calendar
that is
 needed a huge amount of
money
 to be held.
Wastefully
Change the word
Wasteful
show examples
 spending
money
 not only makes living situations harder
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
, causes domestic disputes.
In addition
,
governmental
Correct article usage
the governmental
show examples
 budget is limited so, spending
money
 on useful matters is beneficial for both
people
 and
governments
. Due to the limitation of
governmental
Correct article usage
the governmental
show examples
 budget,
wisely
Change the word
wise
show examples
 planning is required. All
governments
 have received a limited amount of
money
 as a
country
 budget each year which should be managed, planned and performed during
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 year. Mismanagement will bring serious consequences
such
 as
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
debt
Add an article
a debt
show examples
 to other countries, financial crisis, unemployment and so on.
For example
, Iran has a
lot
 of religious
festivals
 and the most famous one is called Moharram in which the government has spent a
lot
 of
money
 on advertisement, group making, meals, etc.
However
,
this
country
 has faced with financial crisis and
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
show examples
 basic needs have not been met. Even in some urban
areas
Add a comma
,areas
show examples
people
 are
depriving
Wrong verb form
deprived
show examples
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 gas, power or drinking water.
By
Change preposition
Of
show examples
 machinery lives,
people
 are being depressed and prefer to spend
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 at home and use cyberspaces.
Also
, they may not be motivated by going outsides and attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
national
holidays
.
Consequently
, spending
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 much
money
 on public
holidays
 and national
festivals
 is irrational for them.
For example
,
Z
Correct article usage
the Z
show examples
generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more interested in social media and
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 to exchange their information with their peers rather than
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to
festivals
.
In addition
,
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 sharing their videos and pictures, they will connect better than physical attendance because they can not communicate well physically.
Although
 devoting attention to public
festivals
 and
holiday
Fix the agreement mistake
holidays
show examples
 is highly important for keeping cultures and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should become familiar with their
country
’s background
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, considering priorities is more important. Imagine a
country
 having a
lot
 of
festivals
 in which citizens are facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every kind of
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
.
Do
Change the verb form
Does
show examples
 anyone think about that ceremony? Is anyone happy there? Of course,
people
 have tended to have that
money
 in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
such
 as
loans
Change preposition
through loans
show examples
. To recapitulate, I totally agree with the opinion that
governments
 should not spend a
lot
 of
money
 on national
holidays
 and public
festivals
 because there are more important matters in countries that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 brought
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives under hard circumstances. Contrary to what one might expect, adolescents will devote
less question
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer questions
show examples
 to national events and
holidays
 in foreseeable future and will request for spending
money
 on more important subjects by prioritizing.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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