IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Needless to say, taking
care
Use synonyms
 of health is more important in everyone's life.The importance of health
care
Use synonyms
 which has always debatable now became controversial. At present, there is a lot of improvement in the
healthcarecare
Correct your spelling
health care care
healthcare care
 sector. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will elaborate more details about how society has to take
care
Use synonyms
 of elder
people
Use synonyms
 and
thus
Linking Words
 lead to a logical conclusion. At the start,
people
Use synonyms
 became so lazy
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
due to the advance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. To
dicpher
Correct your spelling
decipher
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are more
depending
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 upon the automated machine for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household work.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 the opportunity to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
.Another observation related
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 regard is
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
, some
people
Use synonyms
 need to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality time with elder
people
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
gluced
Correct your spelling
glued
 at mobile. To encourage elder
people
Use synonyms
 involve in other
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
Linking Words
 as walking, gardening,
medication
Correct word choice
and medication
show examples
.
Correct article usage
The goverment
show examples
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 invest some
bugdets
Correct your spelling
budgets
budget
 to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parks and sports
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 in the local community.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
show examples
 allow the citizen including elder
people
Use synonyms
 to involve in other activities to create
environment
Correct article usage
an environment
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that allow
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allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 us to do some
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, each individual take
care
Use synonyms
 of elder
people
Use synonyms
,
take
Correct word choice
and take
show examples
 them to the hospital
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
 two times
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 for
fullbody
Correct your spelling
full body
full-body
 health checkup.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should add additional extra seats in the public transport
factilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
facility
 for the elder
people
Use synonyms
.In recent times, local management built
separate
Add an article
a separate
the separate
show examples
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 for elder and disabled
people
Use synonyms
 to enjoy
Correct article usage
a view
show examples
view
Wrong verb form
viewing
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 marina beach near the sea.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aging population
  • strain
  • healthcare systems
  • pensions
  • social services
  • technological advancements
  • telemedicine
  • health-monitoring devices
  • community-based support
  • government policies
  • proactive measures
  • retirement age
  • pension reform
  • intergenerational cooperation
  • mental and emotional well-being
What to do next:
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