IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self- employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why it might be the case? What could be the disadvantages if being self-employed?

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Nowadays, many
people
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 create their own businesses as they want to have their own stores.
However
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, there are some risks to starting a
business
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 if they are not fully trained. The aim of
this
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 essay is to explore the reason why
people
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 prefer self-employed and elucidate potential disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, the main benefit of running our own
business
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 is to have freedom. If we are hired by a company, we have to follow the goal of the corporation.
Thus
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,
people
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 do not have the motivation to work more than the company requires.
However
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, if we are self-hired, we could get paid
according to
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 the amount of our work.
For example
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, if we are running a
business
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, and we know that even during holidays we could make good money, we might not take a rest.
Besides
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, we could be more creative and productive, as we know that new ideas could be applied to the field.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 hesitate to work alone, as it is not easy for them to overcome crises. When we run a
business
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, we sometimes
are facing
Wrong verb form
face
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 unpredicted difficulties
such
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 as financial crises or changes in trends.
Besides
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, these days big companies
also
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 enter the market with the invincible power of information and capital power.
For example
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, compared with 10 years ago, many stores around me have changed as they could not survive in the harsh competitive capitalistic realism.
To sum up
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, I do agree with the idea that self-employment has a lot of benefits.
However
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, we have to keep in mind that the failure of
business
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 results in economic bankruptcy. We have to look at both sides very carefully and decide.

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Task Response
The introduction provides an overview of the reasons for self-employment and outlines the potential disadvantages. The body paragraphs discuss the benefits and the drawbacks of self-employment. The conclusion provides a brief summary. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer and more focused introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a reasonable progression of ideas and uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. However, there is room for improvement in the organization and connection between ideas within and between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • autonomy
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • entrepreneurial spirit
  • financial instability
  • self-motivation
  • benefits
  • job security
  • healthcare
  • retirement plans
  • administrative tasks
  • compliance
  • isolation
  • camaraderie
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