IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's study. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion?

#parents #computer #games #value #children #study #effects #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, computer
games
Use synonyms
 are becoming very popular among students of various ages. It has brought great concern to parents, arguing that not only online
games
Use synonyms
 do not help their
children
Use synonyms
 in
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
, they
further
Linking Words
 retard a child's physical and mental growth . In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is not entirely true, provided that the
children
Use synonyms
 are choosing the right programmes and they have the discipline to play in moderation.
First
Linking Words
 of all, some online
games
Use synonyms
 are educational , giving
children
Use synonyms
 an more interesting and interactive alternative to enquiring about knowledge.
For instance
Linking Words
,
games
Use synonyms
 like Sudoku, Word Finders, and Spell A Bee- help to stimulate a child's problem-solving skills and improve their vocabularies, some very vital knowledge and ability to instil in today's
children
Use synonyms
's education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
games
Use synonyms
 require them to play in teams, which is a great way for them to learn about teamwork and get connected to one another. Even though online game addiction has always been a challenge to
children
Use synonyms
 and adults alike, we can not deny that computer
games
Use synonyms
 help us to relieve the pressure that we have accumulated in our daily lives. It helps us to relax and unwind and numb our minds a little as we escape into the realm of the fake world online.
However
Linking Words
, we need to be careful in limiting the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of time
children
Use synonyms
 spent on online gaming, as well as the type of programmes they are engaging in. As we all know, some online
games
Use synonyms
 are violent and cruel, which are especially dangerous to
children
Use synonyms
 whose minds are very impressionable.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 do not have the necessary self-discipline and can become easily glued to computer screens,
thus
Linking Words
, neglecting their studies and physical health. In conclusion, certain online
games
Use synonyms
 are beneficial to
children
Use synonyms
 to improve their studies , develop problem-solving skills and help them to relieve their stress.
However
Linking Words
, parents at the same time, need to monitor closely the contents and limit the time spent so that their studies,
mental
Correct word choice
and mental
show examples
 and physical health will not be negatively affected.
Submitted by chiniey on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: