IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
Nowadays there is a load uproar over social
media
. Some
people
 think these platforms
such
 as Facebook and Twitter can be a negative
impact
 on youth ,while others believe these are good sites that lead to bringing
people
 together.
This
 essay will discuss both negative and positive
aspects
 of social
media
 and will explain the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in mental illnesses as one of the drawbacks, and the
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 of the information cycle as a positive aspect. On the one hand, there is no doubt that
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of social
media
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
 every moment of the day-to-day life of users. In recent years, there are innumerous examples all over the world that illustrate much
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 cope with
a mental disorders
Correct the article-noun agreement
mental disorders
a mental disorder
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 they think by themselves" We just watch and like a photo". In the
last
 investigation in my nation that known
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 "Social
Media
 and Details", there is a lot of
Informations
Change the wording
Information
pieces of information
show examples
 that demonstrate about 65% of youths have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same mental disorder as the
impact
 of social
media
. It is interesting to note that the majority of them cannot be able to make a relationship. So as mentioned above, one of the negative
aspects
 of social
media
 could be
threatened
Replace the word
threatening
show examples
 societies with
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental illnesses. While
surging
Correct article usage
the surging
show examples
 of
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of social
media
 has some negative
aspects
, there are positive sides that help
people
 to come together more than past.
There
Change the word
It
show examples
 is impossible to
imagination
Replace the word
imagine
show examples
 of
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 relationships without using social
media
. All happening could be posted on private and public pages as soon as
taken
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 place.
People
 not only can share their own experiences and lifestyle easily, but
also
 they can create groups and channels to pursue a distinct goal. In that survey in my country, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some evidence
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 the most imperative thing in
daily
Add an article
the daily
show examples
 life of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
people
 is connection and relationship, and social
media
 are
succeed
Replace the word
successfully
show examples
bringing
Change preposition
in bringing
show examples
 these
successfully
Replace the word
success
show examples
. The cycling of information can
Add a missing verb
be easible
show examples
easible
Correct your spelling
feasible
easily
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
accessible by using those platforms. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 sites can
impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youths, and these are both negative and positive
aspects
. despite having a negative
impact
such
 as mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
, social
media
 can improve and ease
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 beneficially.
Submitted by behnam.n00001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: