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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

“Because of the busy pace of modern life, many children spend most of their time indoors and have little exposure to the natural world.” Discuss the effects lack of experience with and understanding of nature can have on children as they grow up. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In modern life, many
children
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 are confined to indoor spaces and have little contact with the natural world.
This
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 essay will discuss the negative effects that a lack of exposure to
nature
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 can have on
children
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 as they develop. One of the most significant effects is the decline in
children
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's physical health. Without sufficient sunlight, young generations may suffer from vitamin D deficiency.
Furthermore
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, vitamin D deficiency has been linked to a weakened immune system and may even increase the risk of certain types of cancer.
In addition
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 to
this
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, young people who stay indoors are far less physically active, which can lead to obesity over
time
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.
This
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 is particularly concerning given the rise of screen-based entertainment, which encourages prolonged sitting and
further
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 reduces opportunities for physical activity.
In addition
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 to physical consequences, another effect is the deterioration of mental well-being.
While
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children
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 who spend
time
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 in
nature
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 tend to have lower stress levels, those confined indoors may struggle with anxiety.
For instance
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, studies have shown that
time
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 spent in
nature
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 can reduce cortisol levels, meaning that
children
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 deprived of
this
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 experience may find it harder to manage stress.
As a result
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, their emotional development may be stunted, making it harder to cope with challenges later in life. In conclusion, a lack of exposure to
nature
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 can have serious consequences for
children
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, both physically and psychologically.
Therefore
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, it is essential that parents and educators encourage
children
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 to spend more
time
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 outdoors. Without intervention, future generations may grow up entirely disconnected from the natural world.

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task response
For task response, you answer the main question well, but you can add one more effect on children as they grow up, such as weak social skills or less care for the earth.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear, but they are a bit narrow. Try to show more about long-term growth, not only health and stress.
task response
For task response, your example about studies and cortisol is useful, but one more real and specific example would make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main idea. Keep this clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words well, but do not use too many simple links in a row. Try to make some links more natural.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some points could be developed more. After each main idea, add one more sentence to explain how it affects adult life later.
task response
For task response, you stay on the topic all the time and do not go off track.
task response
For task response, you give two clear effects: physical health and mental health.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your introduction is clear and your conclusion is strong.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the order of ideas is logical and easy to understand.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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