IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

popular events like football worldcup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#events #football #worldcup #occasions #tensions #emotions
Have people said that some mass events or some sports
such
 as football
worldcup
Correct your spelling
WorldCup
world cup
,
Correct article usage
the olympic
show examples
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 games or
esport
Correct your spelling
esports
 games are occasions to
show
 off
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 international stage what technology
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
there have and
show
 how storge
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In the
first
 line,I think I agree with
this
 statement and I have two reasons to explain why I believe in that
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I will
show
 you
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 paragraph.
Firstly
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 my
first
 reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 there are mass events and mass sports so that will
be make
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 attention for people who
interesting
Replace the word
interested
show examples
 in those around the world come to their land and
this
 will be
occasions
Fix the agreement mistake
occasion
show examples
 to
show
 how
improve
Add the particle
to improve
show examples
 do you have and that can make some business people interest to invest their city and that can make money to the city and that can lead
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 to have
improve
Change the verb form
improved
show examples
 in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 stage.
Secondly
,
Submitted by Tum01230 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: