IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people like to eat a wider variety of food than can be grown in their local area. As a result, much of the food people eat today has to come from other regions. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #people #variety #food #area #regions #development
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There has been a discussion revolving around the issue of whether choosing
food
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 from a wider variety than the local
area
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 can provide has more positive than negative effects. Some
people
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 say that there are more advantages than disadvantages in eating
food
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 grown not only in the local
area
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 but
also
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 in other places,
while
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 others disagree and support only
food
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 grown in a specific
area
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh the disadvantages. First and foremost, eating different nutrition gives more vitamins that
people
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 would not be able to get from only one specific region. Most
countries
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 in the world can not grow a wide variety of
food
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 because of the climate limits.
This
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 meant that not every vitamin that mankind needs is provided.
This
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 could lead to some health problems and cause sickness.
For example
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, in Lithuania
food
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 a lot of traditional
food
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that is
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 grown in
this
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area
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 is made using a lot of potatoes and oil.
This
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 means that the
food
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 is not very suitable for
people
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’s bodies and can lead to some stomach issues but
people
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 can choose
food
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that is
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 grown in different
countries
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 that can produce fresh fruits and seafood which is much lighter than the traditional
food
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 made in Lithuania.
Secondly
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, buying and selling
food
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 products to other
markets
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 of the world helps
countries
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 to increase their economy and warps up relationships between
countries
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. Letting
people
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 choose from a wider diversity of
food
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 leads the country’s economy to grow.
For instance
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, before the collapse of the Soviet Union until 1990, there were very limited
food
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 sources. Only after the collapse of the Soviet Union, did Lithuania and other post-soviet
countries
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 open their
markets
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 to other regions and were able to increase their economy.
On the other hand
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, opening
markets
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 in other regions can bring more negative impacts for local farmers.
This
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 can lead to the collapse of the
markets
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 and it could put a high percentage of
people
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 at risk because they would lose their jobs and would not be able to maintain their farms. Having considered both views, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion, it is better to have a wider variety of
food
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 and maintain healthy b
Submitted by oimigle on

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introduction/conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the aspects that you will discuss in the essay, and provide a more definitive stance on the issue.
coherence
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure your essay logically. While some use is demonstrated, deeper elaboration and clearer transitions between ideas will enhance your essay's coherence.
main points
Try to develop the main points more fully with detailed examples and explanations within each paragraph to support your argument better.
task response
Aim to present a clear position throughout the response, ensuring consistency in your argument and avoiding contradictions.
examples
To enhance specificity, incorporate examples that are directly related to the central topic, such as mentioning actual food imports and exports, health data, or economic figures.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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