IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people feels that entertainer such as film stars, pop musicians or sports starts are paid too much money. 1. Do you agree or disagree. 2.Which other types of jobs should be highly paid.

#people #entertainer #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
Money
 dominates society to fulfil their needs. Every person has their own way of earning. But the community who belong to the art field might get huge amounts of
money
 even though there is a number of other jobs which have many responsibilities.
Firstly
, the entertainment industry become huge in the
last
 couple of days. They produce tones of jobs in different segments.
For instance
, light men, makeup artists, and group dancers. They all are paid the same amount of dedication and care. But all the facilities are credited by big stars.
This
 does not mean that a person from a lower grade has fewer skills.
Secondly
, people who belong to sports, undoubtedly mention their name in the world's top richest. It would not mean that they do not work hard. But the
money
 they received in return, is more than they serve.
For example
, one of the football players received a 900 million dollar contract from a club just to play two sessions from their side. Which is approximately four months in total over two years.
On the other hand
, occupations in which people give their services for the betterment of society, like soldiers, judges, doctors etc. These are some jobs not only are they putting their life at risk, but
also
 save others' life. To Conclude, I am not saying that person people who belong to the arts are pretty much not capable or doing less effort for the amount they are getting. My point is we just need to split the
money
 according to the job duties.
Submitted by manidj.ms on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: