IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The responsibility of bringing up children should be shared equally between mother and father. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#responsibility #children #mother #father
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
If we look at the past,
one
Use synonyms
 can understand that times are changing because the social
roles
Use synonyms
 given by society within families are not the same as it is nowadays. Decades ago, men were working to bring money home and women were taking care of the kids, but not only the composition of the families involved nor the
roles
Use synonyms
. Times have been changing, and now we can ask ourselves who has the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 of growing up the children. As well as women working and getting important positions at companies the
roles
Use synonyms
 from the past are becoming unappropriated for today.
Also
Linking Words
, the family structure itself has become more fluent than it was, we can see families composed of two fathers and two mothers currently, as an example. Albeit, if times are showing us the possibilities of new
roles
Use synonyms
 and structures parenthood necessarily should change. It’s not fair that even if the mother and father both are working the women have the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 to carry the growing up of the kids as in the past, that’s the main reason because mother and father must share that liability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
one
Use synonyms
 of the parents isn’t working and stays at home
then
Linking Words
 she or he primarily must take care of the infants.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the other parent should carry on the
responsibility
Use synonyms
 too due to the fact the youth need their two parents if they have them. Recent studies related to podiatry showed that the needing of
one
Use synonyms
 of the parents could repercuss negatively in their growth. In summary, of
course
Add a comma
,course
show examples
 parenthood must be shared between mother and father even if
one
Use synonyms
 of them is working. If they are both working
then
Linking Words
 it should be shared equally, and just primarily must be assumed by
one
Use synonyms
, but I firmly reckon that the other needs to take some
responsibility
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by restrepo.juanc2105 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: