IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Learning at university would be more effective if men and women were educated separetely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Studying at university would be more advantageous if males and females graduated separately.
However
Linking Words
 , I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because
this
Linking Words
 can cause
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination
as well as
Linking Words
 destroy the harmony of existing
gender
Use synonyms
 relationships. It is true to say that
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination can happen if we split the
education
Use synonyms
 system.A large number of universities will attract their potential students based on their genders rather than their talents or qualifications .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , many students will
require
Wrong verb form
be required
show examples
 to explore universities , which may charge less money for their
education
Use synonyms
 because they may have fewer options to attend with a low budget.In India,
for example
Linking Words
 , some female students cannot join the university , which accepts only boys to attend and they do not have sufficient money to go abroad. Separating the
education
Use synonyms
 system based on
gender
Use synonyms
 can impact the harmony of
men
Use synonyms
's and
women
Use synonyms
's relationships.
Although
Linking Words
 many countries try to minimize the
gender
Use synonyms
 equality ratio in their
education
Use synonyms
 systems ,
men
Use synonyms
 are more likely to go to university after finishing their high school
education
Use synonyms
 compared to
women
Use synonyms
.In India ,
for instance
Linking Words
 , many parents are
enforcing
Verb problem
forcing
show examples
 their daughters to marry someone rather than allow them to attend universities after finishing high school level.
As a result
Linking Words
 , there will be negative, emotional side effects for
women
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 can lead to a serious impact on their relationship with
men
Use synonyms
 .
To conclude
Linking Words
 , there will be no visible advantage
if
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 separately.
However
Linking Words
 , we can see some disadvantages to
this
Linking Words
 and I am
also
Linking Words
 not encouraged to perform
this
Linking Words
 idea in the future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
In the introduction, clearly state your position on the topic using phrases such as 'I strongly disagree' or 'I completely agree'. This sets a clear expectation for the reader and establishes your stance from the beginning. The conclusion should also restate your position and summarize your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the introduction introduces the topic, provides some background information, and clearly states your opinion. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • single-gender education
  • coeducational
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • social dynamics
  • learning styles
  • cognitive differences
  • participation rates
  • diverse workplaces
  • educational outcomes
  • psychological implications
  • empirical evidence
  • inclusivity
  • reinforcement of gender roles
  • gender-segregated
What to do next:
Look at other essays: