IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Learning at university would be more effective if men and women were educated separetely. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #men #women
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Studying at university would be more advantageous if males and females graduated separately.
However
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 , I disagree with
this
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 idea because
this
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 can cause
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination
as well as
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 destroy the harmony of existing
gender
Use synonyms
 relationships. It is true to say that
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination can happen if we split the
education
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 system.A large number of universities will attract their potential students based on their genders rather than their talents or qualifications .
Moreover
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 , many students will
require
Wrong verb form
be required
show examples
 to explore universities , which may charge less money for their
education
Use synonyms
 because they may have fewer options to attend with a low budget.In India,
for example
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 , some female students cannot join the university , which accepts only boys to attend and they do not have sufficient money to go abroad. Separating the
education
Use synonyms
 system based on
gender
Use synonyms
 can impact the harmony of
men
Use synonyms
's and
women
Use synonyms
's relationships.
Although
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 many countries try to minimize the
gender
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 equality ratio in their
education
Use synonyms
 systems ,
men
Use synonyms
 are more likely to go to university after finishing their high school
education
Use synonyms
 compared to
women
Use synonyms
.In India ,
for instance
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 , many parents are
enforcing
Verb problem
forcing
show examples
 their daughters to marry someone rather than allow them to attend universities after finishing high school level.
As a result
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 , there will be negative, emotional side effects for
women
Use synonyms
 and
this
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 can lead to a serious impact on their relationship with
men
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 .
To conclude
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 , there will be no visible advantage
if
Change preposition
to
show examples
 studying
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 separately.
However
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 , we can see some disadvantages to
this
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 and I am
also
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 not encouraged to perform
this
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 idea in the future.
Submitted by waiphyothu007 on

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Task response
In the introduction, clearly state your position on the topic using phrases such as 'I strongly disagree' or 'I completely agree'. This sets a clear expectation for the reader and establishes your stance from the beginning. The conclusion should also restate your position and summarize your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the introduction introduces the topic, provides some background information, and clearly states your opinion. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • single-gender education
  • coeducational
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • social dynamics
  • learning styles
  • cognitive differences
  • participation rates
  • diverse workplaces
  • educational outcomes
  • psychological implications
  • empirical evidence
  • inclusivity
  • reinforcement of gender roles
  • gender-segregated
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