IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #people’s #health
People argue
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 living in the
city
 is better than living in urban if health is the issue. For me living in
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 is
conssit
Correct your spelling
consist
 both positive and negative effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our life. I will explain more from my point of view. Even though more people love to live in
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
, that
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 in the
central
Replace the word
centre
show examples
 we can access anything from there. There are more convenient and full of
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 from new technology that we can access. On the
contraly
Correct your spelling
contrary
, some can't imagine
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the effect in the long term
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution
 or the contamination that we can get from the surrounding. High population gathering in one area is more likely
create
Fix the infinitive
to create
show examples
pollution
 which will be
containing
Wrong verb form
contained
show examples
 within the
city
 and our
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
For example
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pollution
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road traffic every morning and
everning
Correct your spelling
evening
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
pollution
 from the industrial zone including from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
GMO food that
altering
Wrong verb form
alters
show examples
gene
Fix the agreement mistake
genes
show examples
 and can lead to
contaminate
Change the verb form
contaminating
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 poison
substance
Fix the agreement mistake
substances
show examples
 that can lead to cancer.
On the other hand
, the development of science
Correct word choice
and technogy
show examples
technogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 in
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
also
 can improve
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 daily of
Correct article usage
the poppulation
show examples
poppulation
Correct your spelling
population
 who
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big
city
.
For instance
, new devices that can detect cancer before serious level
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
,
additional
Correct word choice
and additional
show examples
 air
conditioner
Fix the agreement mistake
conditioners
show examples
 that will transform toxic air into fresh clean air.
Also
, the government part that
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to make a rule and
strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
show examples
 that increase using clean energy
such
 as EV
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 that
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 need hydrocarbon fuel to generate.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 many people agreed with the sentence that living in
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
city
 is bad for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health but with more clean
technogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 and
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 strategy from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 I am more
convince
Change the form of the verb
convinced
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 living in the
city
 is better and
convenient
Correct quantifier usage
more convenient
show examples
 than living in
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
show examples
.
Submitted by joymaynig on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: