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Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
A group of
people
 opine that
music
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
better to meet
people
 of diverse society together with
ages
. I completely disagree with
this
 proposition and will present relevant points along with precise examples and
bac
Correct your spelling
back
show examples
kup
Correct your spelling
up
 my view.
first
 of all,a significant number of
people
 in the world do not prefer
music
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they do not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 attraction
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
music
.
as a result
,
music
 cannot them close together.
For example
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Muslim
people
 do not like
music
 because it is prohibited in their religion.
Secondly
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
listener
Fix the agreement mistake
listeners
show examples
 do not
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
music
. It depends according to their
ages
 and cultures,
hence
, it is difficult to
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 together, because, of their discrete choices.
For instance
, Indian
people
 like
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Indian
music
 but
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 do not
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
itprefer
show examples
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Indian
music
 never
bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 together.
on the other hand
, a group of
people
 loved to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
music
 and think that
music
 can relax
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 and reduce discrimination among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human,
event
Correct your spelling
even
show examples
 every
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
 citizen
Add a missing verb
is fund
show examples
fund
Correct your spelling
fond
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
 and recon that it is a part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our life.
For instance
, when any musical concert
held
Add a missing verb
is held
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 go there to enjoy and they do not have any
boundary
Fix the agreement mistake
boundaries
show examples
 according to gender,
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 and
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
also
. in conclusion, it is obvious that they are many
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
 in the world according to
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
perception
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
show examples
,
however
, it is difficult to
bringing
Change the form of the verb
bring
show examples
 together all
people
, some platform which they will like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that I restate my opinion again and proved
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our life.
Submitted by kazishihab on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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