IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A group of
people
Use synonyms
 opine that
music
Use synonyms
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
better to meet
people
Use synonyms
 of diverse society together with
ages
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 proposition and will present relevant points along with precise examples and
bac
Correct your spelling
back
show examples
kup
Correct your spelling
up
 my view.
first
Linking Words
 of all,a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the world do not prefer
music
Use synonyms
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they do not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 attraction
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
music
Use synonyms
.
as a result
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 cannot them close together.
For example
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Muslim
people
Use synonyms
 do not like
music
Use synonyms
 because it is prohibited in their religion.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
listener
Fix the agreement mistake
listeners
show examples
 do not
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
music
Use synonyms
. It depends according to their
ages
Use synonyms
 and cultures,
hence
Linking Words
, it is difficult to
bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 together, because, of their discrete choices.
For instance
Linking Words
, Indian
people
Use synonyms
 like
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Indian
music
Use synonyms
 but
Chinese
Correct article usage
the Chinese
show examples
 do not
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
itprefer
show examples
, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Indian
music
Use synonyms
 never
bringing
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 together.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 loved to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and think that
music
Use synonyms
 can relax
mind
Add an article
the mind
show examples
 and reduce discrimination among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human,
event
Correct your spelling
even
show examples
 every
Use synonyms
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
 citizen
Add a missing verb
is fund
show examples
fund
Correct your spelling
fond
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 and recon that it is a part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our life.
For instance
Linking Words
, when any musical concert
held
Add a missing verb
is held
show examples
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 go there to enjoy and they do not have any
boundary
Fix the agreement mistake
boundaries
show examples
 according to gender,
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 and
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
also
Linking Words
. in conclusion, it is obvious that they are many
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
 in the world according to
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
perception
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, it is difficult to
bringing
Change the form of the verb
bring
show examples
 together all
people
Use synonyms
, some platform which they will like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that I restate my opinion again and proved
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: