IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of people think people are being over dependent on phones and the internet? Do you agree or disagree?

#people #phones #internet
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• In our modern life, technology has been developing
day
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 by
day
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 and many
people
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 utilize them to do all
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kind
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kinds
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 of
works
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work
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. Nowadays the majority of individuals point out that,
people
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 are not able to live without technology especially mobile phones and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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, and they do not imagine their life without them, and I completely
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
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this
Linking Words
 point because
humans
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 are developing them. • On the one hand a number of inhabitants depend on the
internet
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 and
smartphones
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 and nowadays everybody
have
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has
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 a smartphone
and
Correct word choice
apply
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even five and six years old children are able to
use
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 the
Internet
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 and telephone because
the
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apply
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smartphones
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 are one of the most available ways to do all
kind
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 of things, especially adolescents because if
people
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 need some
kind
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 of information which is related to their education, they are able to find them through the
internet
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 on their telephone without difficulties and they can watch some
kind
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 of videos, and read novels and newspapers through the web site on their telephones . So nowadays many
people
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 depend on
smartphones
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 and
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, In Korea, the government built a special road for
people
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 who
use
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 mobile phones while they move, because there are all
people
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use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
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smartphones
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 while they walk, and they drag them. •
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some negative effects of utilizing phones and
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
.
First
Linking Words
 of all, individuals
use
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 the
internet
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 and
smartphones
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 despite
know
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knowing
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 their negative effects
for
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on
show examples
 their health and their culture because nowadays
people
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 are connecting to
telephone
Correct article usage
the telephone
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, and they do not have enough time for their family and friends. So many
humans
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 arise relationships between them, and it damages their eyes because the telephones have
a radiation rays
Correct the article-noun agreement
a radiation ray
radiation rays
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. According to the
statistics
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,statistics
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 nowadays many
humans
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 have health problems who depend on the
internet
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 and
smartphones
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. • In conclusion, nowadays a number of
humans
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 depend
to
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on
show examples
 the
internet
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 and telephones . Because they
use
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 them daily basis they are one of the most significant things for
humans
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. I strongly believe that
humans
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 are depending them
day
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 by
day
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.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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