IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on TV and computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #crime #images #tv #computer #video #games
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that violent images shown on TV, computer, and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 are to blame for the
increase
Use synonyms
 in
crime
Use synonyms
 rates in society. Today, I will discuss
further
Linking Words
 why I partially agree that
media
Use synonyms
 has an impact on
crime
Use synonyms
 rates.
Then
Linking Words
, I will explain why I don't agree to have the
media
Use synonyms
 taking the blame for
this
Linking Words
 social problem that we are facing.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays are surrounded by many different types of
media
Use synonyms
 platforms, and
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, I do somewhat agree that television has an impact on society's decisions.
Media
Use synonyms
 is designed to share knowledge and information for us to know and learn from.
However
Linking Words
, the public tends to abuse the platforms in different ways.
For example
Linking Words
, in
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
usually the character go against their enemies. The purpose of
this
Linking Words
 it helps society understand to stand up for their rights.
Instead
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 adapt and learn the way of violence in
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I believe there are various reasons for the rise in
crime
Use synonyms
 rates and the
media
Use synonyms
 is not the only one to blame for.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
increase
Use synonyms
 in population and decrease in job opportunities can be a bigger factor in the raise of safety concerns.
For instance
Linking Words
, accounting was a very popular major for international students to study in Australia. Yet, many
people
Use synonyms
 who graduated with their master's degree still are not able to find a job in the industry. To sum up, I agree that TV , computer, and
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 play a role in
people
Use synonyms
's thinking and decision-making to a certain extent. An
increase
Use synonyms
 in population and not having enough job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 is a
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 in to
increase
Use synonyms
 in
crime
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
 why I partially disagree with the statement.
Submitted by disishmeehlisa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: