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Band 4.5

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers

#believe #money #education #computers #teachers
There appear to be differing views on investing
money
on
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in
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computers
. On the one hand, people argue that
money
 for education should be spent on good
computers
. While
on the other hand
, a group of people finds many advantages in spending
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a teacher. It
self-evident
Add a missing verb
is self-evident
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 that expending
money
for
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on
show examples
computers
 is not an appropriate decision for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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students. It is depending very much on the
student
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student's
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and self-motivation level.
Furthermore
, technology can’t replace the
teachers
 because
teachers
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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 how to use the technology in the right way. As an
illustration
Add a comma
,illustration
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 calculator cannot replace the mathematics teacher. Specifically,
computers
 cannot teach
the
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apply
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ethics,
way
Correct article usage
a way
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 of life or
moral
Fix the agreement mistake
morals
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 and values. But
teachers
 along with the subject can teach how to live with values, integrity, and responsibilities. It can not be denied that computer has
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of benefits as well.
To begin
 with, a computer can store
massive
Add an article
a massive
the massive
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of information and reduce waste. One of the most useful
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
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 of
computers
 is,
Correct article usage
the able
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able
Replace the word
ability
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 to store and access
vast
Add an article
a vast
the vast
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of data, which can be retrieved in the future.
Besides
, students can download the information to watch anytime. At the same time,
Add an article
the learner
a learner
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learner
Fix the agreement mistake
learners
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 can search
any
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for any
show examples
 subject
topics
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topic
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 instantly based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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necessity.
Other
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Another
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 factor to concede is through the data can save in
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
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 drive,
that
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which
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 can be lost for many reasons like viruses,
bad-sectors
Correct your spelling
bad sectors
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, or window corruption.
Also
, can be stolen or hacked by hackers in a while.
Likewise
, the
teachers
 may be
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in a few subjects and the knowledge is not up to date at all the
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Moreover
, some of the students can’t afford the fees for their studies.
Consequently
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology paly
reasonable
Correct article usage
a reasonable
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 turn. To elucidate, I strongly opine that there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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substance in both views.
Nevertheless
, I trust that
teachers
 are very important in shaping good human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 by training with principles and feelings. Even
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computers
also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 key to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 adequate knowledge of different streams.
Submitted by denuwaraindeewari on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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