IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some People think that fittest and strongest individuals and the team, can achieve success in sports, while others believe that sucesses depends on mental attitude.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #team #success #sports #sucesses #attitude
A group of people presents the view that to obtain
seccess
Correct your spelling
success
 in sports building the
body
 plays a vital role. Whereas others believe that
mind sets
Correct your spelling
mindsets
show examples
 should be strong to be
seccseeful
Correct your spelling
successful
. In my opinion, both of them are equally effective to achieve
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
. On one hand, sport is a physical activity and basically depends on
body
 conditions. It is obvious that you should be strong as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
regard
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
body
Add an article
the body
show examples
 to tolerate the pressure of a
comptetion
Correct your spelling
competition
. To be clear, football is a 90 minutes
game
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
players
 should run the most of time. It needs a lot of
callary
Correct your spelling
gallery
capillary
 burnings and if they had not enough practice they would pass away after a while. Nobody can be strong enough without hard trying to face that. But it is a
game
 that needs to be concentrated too.
Whitouth
Correct your spelling
Without
 considering
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 fact
players
 will lose the opportunities.
On the other hand
, having a positive
mindness
Correct your spelling
mindedness
 is an important quality for a player. There are so many examples of big
players
 who fell in their careers because of personality issues.
This
 content is
such
 important that coughs induce very strict laws on
players
 to control their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 during the season time of competitions.
For example
, a couple of years ago, one of the best football
players
 in my country lost his position
as a result
 of showing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
very bad play in the
game
. It made clear that he struggled with a family problem. He could not be focused on his
game
 and lost chances to goals over and over. In conclusion, In my view, building
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 is as much important as
mindset
Correct article usage
the mindset
show examples
 to be
seccessful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in sports.
Being able
Unnecessary verb
Able
show examples
 to be stable under physical pressures needs to have a strong
body
,
also
 it has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
main role to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
concentrate on sport activity.
Submitted by reychitect on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive edge
  • endurance
  • agility
  • resilience
  • mental toughness
  • perseverance
  • team dynamic
  • communication
  • strategic thinking
  • psychological training
  • mental resilience
  • pinnacle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: