IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some societies the number of crime comitted by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

#societies #crime #teenagers #people #age #crimes #adult #punishment
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In some
societies
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,societies
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 the number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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comitted
Correct your spelling
committed
 by teenagers is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crimes should receive adult punishment, in my essay I'll discuss
this
Linking Words
opionion
Correct your spelling
opinion
 and express my own
believes
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beliefs
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. It's true that the rates
fo
Correct your spelling
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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crimes
comitted
Correct your spelling
committed
 by minors are increasing,
however
Linking Words
 moving straight to the end and
punish
Wrong verb form
punishing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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minors as adults, probably won't solve the problem. ending
this
Linking Words
 issue requires a deep search
in
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into
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 the causes leading to the surge in law violation acts committed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers in order to understand it, and
then
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 correct the situation.
First
Linking Words
 of all, what are the root causes responsible for the rise of crimes perpetrated by children below the age of 18
?.
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?
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 it could be poverty, domestic violence and growing up in unstable families, drugs,
influence
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the influence
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 of the media, or it could be something else we are unaware of. we need to reform the surrounding environment where the children
grows
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grow
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,
so
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up so
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 they grow up healthy and sane. The
second
Linking Words
 thing we need to put in mind is that
penalty
Correct article usage
the penalty
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 system was built to correct the convict's
behavior
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behaviour
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 in order to return to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as a good citizen,
thus
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 convicting a teenager as an adult and locking him behind the pars with other adults for extended periods means we are sending
this
Linking Words
 young man for an expedition to become a professional criminal.
Finally
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, to me, I believe we need to eradicate the root causes leading the young and the adults to violate the law,
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consequently
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,consequently
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 crime rates will drop drastically.
Submitted by ahmedmalorabi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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