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Band 4.5

Fewer and fewer people want to become teachers especially in secondary schools. Why this happening and what can be done to tackle this problem?

#people #teachers #schools
The majority of
people
 think that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle is crucial to each person.
That is
 why they think that the treatment policy must not be used by private corporations.
Although
 some useful organizations give a good medical plan the disadvantages outweigh the advantages when
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 runs the private health care . In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss the perspective of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
operating health care.
First
 of all, paying lots of money may give back
good
Add an article
the good
a good
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
. talk openly that when
operate
Change the verb form
operating
show examples
 the medical
service
 privately, the clients should have good
service
. Because corporations focus on their patients with
greats
Change the noun form
great
show examples
service
 for their reputation and profit .
Thus
 the customers of the companies might be given
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfying
show examples
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 when the policy is run by the
profit making
Add a hyphen
profit-making
show examples
 organizations .
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are some drawbacks
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 some disadvantages when companies do not treat
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical care .
Firstly
 when government begin to operate
this
 medical
service
 all individuals may pay more prices for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tax . Because government need to preserve the money for
this
 medical
service
 as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
welfare .
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 it must be taking a long time to make the process because all
people
 tend to take the
service
 step by step.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of old
people
 who suffer from the disease would be primary patients to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
treatment and
then
 young
people
 may have the late process
In addition
, some advantages of medical services
ovening
Correct your spelling
evening
covering
 by the corporations are required but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should be not handed by them because all citizens desire to have equal chances
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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