In some cultures children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

In some countries, people generally
tells
Change the verb form
tell
show examples
their
children
that they should try hard for attaining whatever they want Which I believe has many negative effects on
children
's life. There are many
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
impacts
as a result
of telling
children
to hard try and gain anything , One of which is
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
hopeless. If they try hard enough for attaining one thing and they do not receive
the
Change the word
their
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
result ,
then
they lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hope and it can be caused
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
abandon
Fix the infinitive
to abandon
show examples
their attempt. Another disadvantage of
this
method is losing
their
Change the word
the
show examples
confidence
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
their parents or their adults, Because achieving anything is related to
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
of factors
Such
as
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, Their social situation and etc. Not only related to hard try. The other damage which is impressed by consist of hard trying to get any
things
is
Children
's creativity.
This
,in turn, The
children
totally focus on
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
show examples
all the time and in
this
situation
Add a comma
,situation
show examples
they do not spend time or energy to improve their creativity and they mind to find
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
for achieving
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
things
What
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they want to have.
On the other hand
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
some beneficial
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
to
tell
Wrong verb form
telling
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
for hard trying to achieve all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things
. One of which is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
increasing their motivation for reach to their wishes.
This
may lead the
children
to try hard as well as they can and they gain their goals. Another positive point is their independency that could be improved. Because they are hard trying to achieve
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
things
that they want will increase their self-confidence when they are faced with new challenges and new
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
they will convert to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
persons
Correct the article-noun agreement
person
show examples
. In conclusion call mom
of course
Add the comma(s)
, of course,
show examples
there are some beneficial elements for
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
children
to hard try for achieving their wishes, but there have been many cases around the world of
children
that it will be caused a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
of social and mental problems for them in their future life's .
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Goal-setting
  • Work ethic
  • Ambitious
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Frustration
  • Inadequate
  • Overemphasis
  • Stress
  • Pressure
  • Mental health
  • Resource availability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: