IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

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In some countries, people generally
tells
Change the verb form
tell
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 that they should try hard for attaining whatever they want Which I believe has many negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
's life. There are many
harm
Replace the word
harmful
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 impacts
as a result
Linking Words
 of telling
children
Use synonyms
 to hard try and gain anything , One of which is
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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hopeless. If they try hard enough for attaining one thing and they do not receive
the
Change the word
their
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favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 result ,
then
Linking Words
 they lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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hope and it can be caused
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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abandon
Fix the infinitive
to abandon
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 their attempt. Another disadvantage of
this
Linking Words
 method is losing
their
Change the word
the
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 confidence
to
Change preposition
of
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 their parents or their adults, Because achieving anything is related to
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of factors
Such
Linking Words
 as
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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, Their social situation and etc. Not only related to hard try. The other damage which is impressed by consist of hard trying to get any
things
Use synonyms
 is
Children
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's creativity.
This
Linking Words
 ,in turn, The
children
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 totally focus on
hard working
Add a hyphen
hard-working
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 all the time and in
this
Linking Words
situation
Add a comma
,situation
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 they do not spend time or energy to improve their creativity and they mind to find
new
Add an article
a new
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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 for achieving
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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things
Use synonyms
What
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they want to have.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 some beneficial
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 to
tell
Wrong verb form
telling
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 for hard trying to achieve all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things
Use synonyms
. One of which is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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increasing their motivation for reach to their wishes.
This
Linking Words
 may lead the
children
Use synonyms
 to try hard as well as they can and they gain their goals. Another positive point is their independency that could be improved. Because they are hard trying to achieve
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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things
Use synonyms
 that they want will increase their self-confidence when they are faced with new challenges and new
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
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 they will convert to
an
Correct article usage
apply
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independent
persons
Correct the article-noun agreement
person
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. In conclusion call mom
of course
Add the comma(s)
, of course,
show examples
 there are some beneficial elements for
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
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children
Use synonyms
 to hard try for achieving their wishes, but there have been many cases around the world of
children
Use synonyms
 that it will be caused a
lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
lot
show examples
 of social and mental problems for them in their future life's .

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perseverance
  • Resilience
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Goal-setting
  • Work ethic
  • Ambitious
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Frustration
  • Inadequate
  • Overemphasis
  • Stress
  • Pressure
  • Mental health
  • Resource availability
What to do next:
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