IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that people who do physical work should be paid on par with the people who have high Level degree. Do you agree or disagree?

There have been arguments about
salaries'
Check wording
the salary
show examples
 policy. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that physical workers and
people
Use synonyms
 with high-level degrees should be paid the same amount
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, I respectfully disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will illustrate my point of view and support it with examples as well. First of all, from my perspective, I think that everyone should get paid
according to
Linking Words
 their work accomplishment
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 based on their college
degree
Use synonyms
 whatsoever.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it would be completely unfair to pay all employees the same cash, not considering the time-table differences and the achievements that have been
done
Verb problem
made
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 by each one of them. In fact, not everyone takes
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 job seriously
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 work as hard as they can and
devotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
devote
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 their time in order to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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 their career and self-development, but on the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
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, some of them
could not
Correct your spelling
couldn't
 care less about their job performance. There are things that financial officials should consider before paying any employee. A high-level
degree
Use synonyms
 is not enough.
For example
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
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 worked hard in the past few years, and after getting their Master's or PhD
degrees
Punctuation problem
degrees,
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 they hang them on the wall inside their house but never actually
worked
Wrong verb form
work
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 with them. Your past achievement is appreciated
of
Punctuation problem
, of
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 course
but
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, but
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 not enough
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it is 'what type of person you are
'
Punctuation problem
',
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not where. What is the purpose of having a high-level
degree
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 if you will not be working with it? In conclusion, I believe that everyone should be paid based on their performance ,not their college
degree
Use synonyms
 or past accomplishments and achievements.

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task response
Your task response is clear, but it needs stronger support. Add a specific example from real work pay policy, discuss a counter view, and end with a strong stance.
coherence cohesion
Your writing uses simple words and a direct tone. Work on the flow of ideas by using a clear plan: intro, 2 body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
task response
A clear view is stated against paying all workers the same.
coherence cohesion
Some links and a simple structure show a real effort to plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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