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Writing Samples
Band 4

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centers. It is feared that this trend can bring negative influences on the youths and the society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centers #trend #influences #youths #society
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In the present age, shopping malls have become favourite hotspot for many youngsters to spend a large portion of quality
time
. Some people in society feel that it will have numerous demerits
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the youth. Personally, I strongly advocate
this
 view.
In addition
,
this
 essay will discuss those disadvantages. On the one hand, even though adults visit shopping centres
for
Change preposition
as
show examples
 their pastime
however
 malls have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
designed
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in a
way
 to attract more audiences to buy something from their shops. The central reason behind
this
 is to target the youth with exclusive items and by displaying large discounts which often leads to empty adults' pockets. A recent study from Melbourne university has shown that 40% of youngsters spend their
hard earned
Add a hyphen
hard-earned
show examples
 income buying luxury goods.
Therefore
,
this
 will put them in a situation to run out of money during crucial times.
On the other hand
, in
this
 competitive ,era it is considered that
time
 is everything which needs to be utilized in a productive
way
.
However
, teens nowadays are more likely to spend their leisure
time
 in malls with friends rather than spending in a qualitative
way
.
As a result
, it tends to not be focused on improving
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 skills according to the current job market. To conclude,
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
young people focus on spending money on shopping during their leisure
time
 and
also
 not utilizing it in a productive
way
 which could
inresult
Correct your spelling
result
insult
in result
them
Change preposition
in them
show examples
 and society into a negative influence.
Submitted by sameer on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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