Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on society. Others deny that these have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #influence #behaviour

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Nowadays, there is a growing awareness among parents that visual stimulation from television and computer games

is having

Wrong verb form

has

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a negative side to their children's behavioural growth.

While

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some argue that it has little to no effect on kids'

motoric

Correct your spelling

motor

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skills, I believe that spending more time playing games and watching television would bring more disadvantages to younger generations.

Firstly

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, the variety of shows from the television program mostly existed only for entertainment purposes without adding any educational value to it.

For example

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, the majority of Indonesia's production houses prefer to produce drama series

compared

Verb problem

apply

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rather than useful interactive shows.

However

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this

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is obviously because the producer only produces something interesting for the sake of having a good rating score.

Moreover

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, the violent acts that could be easily accessed from the screen

which is

Verb problem

have

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very potential to generate an opinion that the acts are something common and equitable.

In addition

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, the human brain will develop until they reach approximately 25 years of age. Admittedly,

this

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reason applies to the fact that toddlers are not being able yet to

wisely

Rephrase

apply

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choose the right entertainment for them. Just like an old saying, 'Monkey See, Monkey Do', they will copy and paste every scene they saw from the games and movies if there is no

further

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guidance from their parent. Should the young audience watch any performance unaccompanied, they will only absorb the downside rather than the positive side.

Due to

Linking Words

this

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phenomenon, we could easily witness more juvenile delinquency compared to decades ago. In conclusion, people are

getting

Verb problem

becoming

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aware of the negative impacts of visual entertainment gadgets on the youngster generation. I would argue that these technological devices have worsened our social skills because they changed the way we react to certain conditions.

Submitted by diyan.mail on Sat Dec 31 2022

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task response

Provide a clearer position on the topic and make sure to address both sides of the argument.

coherence and cohesion

Organize your ideas in a more structured and logical manner. Use linking words to connect your ideas.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggressive behavior
emotional and psychological development
impair
empathy
contributing factor
distinction
fiction and reality
mature audiences
reflective
prevalence
societal issues

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