Today people live longer after retiring from work. What problems does this cause for individuals and society? What can be done?
Nowadays, in the 21st century, it is readily apparent that the livelihood of a multitude of individuals who retire tends to enhance overwhelmingly.
Due to
this
tendency, it causes different circumstances for individuals and society
at all, government and society
members should recognize appropriate actions in order to solve this
issue.
First and foremost, it goes without saying that not everyone has adequate savings to live an appropriate level of life and they are strongly depending on social security and pensions. Additionally
, in some ways, they are burdens for their relatives, as well as
children who need to look after them, in some ways it can be the reason for their struggle with parental care. Furthermore
, elder society
members face versatile and multifaceted maladies, that significantly change the common way of their daily routine. To cite an example, as a medical student who had interactions with people
of their senior age I can undoubtedly notice that they face chronic diseases, mobility issues, as well as
considerable decline in cognitive function. Besides
, as people
retire and lose work-related interactions, they may experience a lack of purpose and feelings of loneliness.
With regards to the solutions to this
pattern, it is evident that should be done special programs to encourage the importance of financial literacy programs to help people
better prepare for retirement. From my point of view, it can be a potentially beneficial proposal to employ them in a part-time job in order to stay conscious and self-aware. Apart from
this
, healthcare funding should be increased in a way that no one should experience a lack.
Change preposition
of.
To sum up
, after retirement elder people
may be a source of difficulties for society
and government. However
, when all individuals in society
direct their force to one point they can easily reach appropriate solutions to detrimental consequences.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Try to add more specific examples and evidence to support your points. While personal anecdotes are valuable, additional factual or statistical data can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Sometimes the transition between points can be abrupt, so using linking words or phrases can help make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question, discussing the problems caused by longer life expectancies post-retirement, as well as potential solutions.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear and easy to follow, making your essay comprehensible.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.