A large income is much more important than being satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent decades, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
an argument a high salary for employment is more important than satisfaction in a workplace
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
the world. I strongly believe that how much workers are satisfied and happy with a workplace should be the first priority over the annual wage of occupations.
Although
Linking Words
a large income could bring stability to individual life in a short period, it is significantly difficult to keep sustainability for occupations without satisfaction. Employees
such
Linking Words
as doctors who acquire a high-volume income are comparatively fragile to have mental illnesses since their professions are more stressful than lower-income occupations which do simple processes.
For example
Linking Words
, it requires them to sustain professional knowledge
as well as
Linking Words
the ability to make patients recover and cure in a proper way and
this
Linking Words
gives them pressure to stay with the
job
Use synonyms
. British
council
Capitalize word
Council
show examples
revealed that professionals who have high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
are having
Verb problem
have
show examples
dissatisfactory feelings as times go by even though they are happy and comfortable with high-income jobs in the beginning.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
situation results in short-term sustainability because of the unexpected consequences in the end. In my opinion, a satisfactory level of employment has to be prioritised especially when people search for a
job
Use synonyms
. These days, it is a fact that there are a lot of companies in which the importance of socializing with co-workers is a kind of requirement as a part of teamwork because we live in a community. If a worker is good at getting
along with
Linking Words
others, people will be able to get better treatment and it would lead to satisfactory feelings in
a
Correct your spelling
the workplace
show examples
job
Use synonyms
place.
Thus
Linking Words
, the satisfactory feeling will provide employees with less mental tension, so, they would be able to get a continuous workplace which allows them to have long-term stability. In conclusion, we are living in an era which should prioritise
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction ,not the level of salary as people more consider work and
life
Correct your spelling
work-life
show examples
balance.
As a result
Linking Words
, being satisfied at work has to be first coming rather than making a decision for a profession with a large income.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas better. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples and explanations for your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Your argument for prioritizing job satisfaction is strong and clear, which is a positive aspect of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: